Moving Beyond School Phone & Social Media Bans: Teaching Essential Digital Skills

*This a very detailed version of this post, which many researchers, educators and experts in the field have found to be useful. If you'd like a more reader friendly version to share with your community, look here.

Phew! I’ve touched on school phone bans before, but the conversation of bans has evolved beyond just phones—it now includes social media. Parents, carers and teachers are worried about digital distractions, media overload, and the effect of social media on kids’ focus, mental health and safety. We all want to address these issues, but are bans alone really the answer? Or are they temporary 'ban'd-aids that don’t address the core problems? And do bans force all of the responsibility onto parents, who are just as confused and overwhelmed? I'm not against curbing use or having gradual release by age, and I agree there is a place and a time for use. But, hear me out on my real concern over bans.

Bans don’t help kids handle notifications, critically assess information, understand quality vs quantity, or address the mental health implications of social media for when they eventually get access or come across it. Instead of solely focusing on restrictions, shouldn’t we be asking ourselves, "How can we teach the skills needed for kids to manage their tech use?" Right now, the loudest words in the room are "no", "stop" and "ban". Negativity. I think we need to scream out "media literacy", "digital literacy" and "digital wellness". And it needs to be a joint effort...schools, carers, platforms and governments. We're just not having the right conversations, and it's concerning.

We can’t assume that because a child doesn’t have a phone in school or social media at home, they’re shielded from it. Are they watching over a friend's shoulder on the bus, or even being allowed to use the friend's device? Have they circumnavigated parental controls (because kids do test boundaries as part of learning)? Are they gaming at their friends' houses? Are we preparing them for these realities? We can't just talk about bans, put the phones away, and not address the rest.

Let’s face it, most elementary and middle school kids don’t need phones during the school day (except when it comes to equal access to information and education which I address in my other post), but MANY have them as early as primary school. Some primary kids do need devices (be it a watch or phone) of some sort for medical reasons, or before and after school in order to help with transportation, and possibly for tracking by carers. For high schoolers, who are figuring out who they are and learning to build relationships, social media becomes a bigger part of the conversation. Which means they really need us to do more in the way of supporting and educating and LISTENING. Get them involved in the development of policies that affect them, ask them about what a better online world would look like for them.

Regardless of who does or doesn't have the phone, or why or why they don't have social media, the conversation shouldn’t just be about banning; it should focus on helping students develop the skills to help self-regulate, manage distractions, and make informed decisions when they do have access (their own, a friend's or the school's devices). These are the skills they’ll need in situations when you're not around. It's time we stop saying unhelpful things like "get off your phone" and "social media is bad for you", and have real conversations that are meaningful and long lasting.

Why Banning Isn't Enough

Relying on bans doesn’t help create healthier online spaces for our kids (they aren't going to force platforms to change things). Bans don’t address the addictive nature of apps, data security, or the constant pull of notifications. Just delaying phone or social media access doesn’t mean kids will magically gain the skills to manage it later (look at the number of adults struggling and looking for courses and guidance). And let's be honest—kids can always find a workaround (just browse through Reddit, parent Facebook forums and Google alerts...parents are asking how their kids get around the controls).

Remember, their brains are still developing, and impulse control is a work in progress. Learning by trial and error, along with guidance and ongoing conversations, is how they’ll really learn to manage their tech use...whenever that day arrives. 

It takes practice, guidance, and conversations over time, all of which should be happening in and out of school, as much as possible, really. We should be actively engaging with them on these issues, asking them about their online experiences, both positive and negative, and talk about changes they wish to see. Get them involved in these widespread decisions. While phone and social media bans might remove the worry for parents and carers in the moment, they don’t provide kids with the tools they need to make responsible choices about tech use when they are faced with it (on the bus rides to and from school, at play dates at friends' houses, while watching TV and trying to make sense of content, etc). 

It’s equally important to acknowledge that kids can have positive online experiences too. Many kids are connecting with causes, getting help, demonstrating skills, learning or sharing learning, or finding communities they identify with online. Not everyone has a safe neighborhood, a supportive family, or feels included in the group of kids in their classroom. Cutting them off completely could remove these valuable opportunities. Again, I'm not saying these are reasons to let them have at it as they please, but they are valid, and need to be considered. I'm asking that we take a look at our concerns and start being proactive, working from a different angle. This is why we need to focus on media literacy, social media literacy, and digital literacy to equip them with the tools they need for both the positive and negative aspects of tech.

Shifting From Bans to Breaks: Focused Time and Mental Health

As you can see, I feel that bans overlook a very important aspect—helping kids develop a balanced relationship with technology that prioritizes their mental health. It’s about more than just taking away social media or having phones in the same room; it’s about teaching kids to be mindful of the quality of their online activities and feel confident in navigating pitfalls. I found that so many kids from grades 3-8 were really open to discussing their online habits, the positives and negatives, once we started talking about it from a place of respect, and they appreciated the exercises I provided in my lessons (now in my workbook), as ways for them to practice positive and healthy habits. They'll talk, it's just about how we approach it with them. We know lectures don't work. I'm happy to help schools and families start this work in your schools, just reach out. 

I'm always saying, not all screen time is equal. There’s a big difference between two hours of passive scrolling and two hours spent learning a new skill or connecting with friends or communities in a meaningful way...quality. It’s not enough to tell kids to turn off their phones or put them away—we need to help them understand how social media affects them, how to spot manipulation, how to address differening perspectives, and how to make smart choices about what they engage with. This critical thinking is what will truly make a difference in their long-term relationship with technology.

Holistic Tech Education

We need to stop solely relying on limiting access and start teaching kids how to navigate the digital world with intention (with or without a device in hand). Media literacy—the ability to analyze and make informed decisions about online content—is crucial. So is social media literacy—helping kids engage thoughtfully, make good decisions, and stay safe online. Put them together, and you're providing necessary skills for our kids now and for their futures. Starting early establishes healthy habits around tech use, which are much harder to change later on. Helping kids understand why apps are designed to keep them scrolling and how they can regain control of their time is an empowering approach. 

I’ve seen firsthand the power of this education in various ways. Firstly, at my previous school, I collaborated with my department head at the time, Craig Kemp, to align and integrate Common Sense Education's scope and sequence into our curriculum and units as a starting point.This provided a way to address the topics naturally and within daily instruction, K-12. We made sure to up skill and train our teachers as well. (You can see a current version of this from Tim Evans, were he has incorporated lessons into advisory/homeroom, and also provided Seesaw activities aligned to each). 

I also saw this in the digital citizenship and wellness CCAs I run in schools for grades 3-8 (you can read more here). The kids and I don’t just focus on the negative; we talk about how tech can be a positive tool for learning, hobbies, support and connections. We also dig into how companies design their platforms to keep us hooked, what distraction does to us and how long it takes to refocus, and strategies to break free from that cycle. We thought about where our data goes every time we fill out an innocent form online, or click "I agree". Kids should know about algorithms using their habits to provide content, how to curate their content and who they follow, how to question influencers, understand credibility, and so forth. Students open up about their experiences in these CCAs, and it is clear that when they’re given the tools and knowledge, they’re capable of making much better decisions about their tech use. It's also clear they WANT platforms to do more...to do better. Parents have loved seeing their kids open up about these topics, which is why I turned the program into an online course for families to access anytime.

The Role of Parents: Learning Alongside Our Kids

It’s not just kids who need guidance—parents need to be informed too, and this is all too often the missing link in all of these talks and proposals. Many parents feel overwhelmed or fearful about the technology their kids are using, and many don't feel equipped to guide them effectively. (Again, just take a look on Reddit, parenting forums or within your group of friends) It’s important to note that I’m not naive to the real dangers of the digital world. Online safety, privacy, and data protection are major concerns, especially when it comes to children. While schools can enforce bans, these issues go far beyond what happens during school hours. Media literacy—for both students and parents—is essential for navigating the risks associated with tech use wherever they are. The more informed we all are, the better we can protect our kids and ensure they’re using technology in safe and responsible ways now and in the future.

That’s why side-by-side learning can also be effective, regardless of whether or not your school or country has a ban. Learning about digital wellness, media literacy, and social media literacy can be transformative for parents and carers. When parents and kids learn together, they’re having the same conversations, sharing knowledge, and building critical skills. Schools could support side-by-side learning by offering regular workshops (consistency is key here, not once a year sessions on digital dangers) that bring parents and kids together to facilitate conversations about screen time, social media, and digital literacy in a safe, non judgemental way. Of course, time would need be found amongst the busy schedules kids, carers and professionals lead after school (sports, clubs, work, etc), but don't we always make time for things that matter? Or maybe schools could help advocate for weekend sessions, whether directly school supported or through the community or government.

Even if you can't do literal side-by-side sessions of kids with parents, providing regular parent sessions is just as good. Providing the same teachings to parents about all of the topics their kids are learning, providing the same vocabulary, language and understanding, is desperately needed for them to feel empowered and equipped to hold these conversations with their kids. Let's be clear. These aren't focused on dangers, blocking and banning, they are focused on media literacy and understanding what their children are doing online. I've led numerous parent workshops, both during school hours and outside of school hours. I've had parents with very little knowledge about the concerns facing our kids online, to those who wanted more information than they had. More importantly, they had a community of other parents to learn with and from, providing more support. 

Moving Forward: More than Just Bans

So, are phone and social media bans really the solution to our kids’ tech struggles? No. We need to go deeper to really address our concerns and help our children. Firstly, we really need to focus on forcing all of these platforms to provide age-appropriate design and content, and provide a better, more responsible online world. Until that happens, schools and parents/carers should want to work together to create environments where students aren’t just following rules but are actively learning how to use technology as a tool, not a crutch, and knowing when to step away for their mental and emotional health. For schools, this could mean incorporating digital literacy programs like I spoke about earlier, that teach students about media manipulation, the psychology of social media, and strategies for self-regulation. For parents, it means modeling healthy behavior at home, having regular conversations about screen time, and setting up family screen time agreements that foster open dialogue and trust.

It’s About Skills, Not Just Rules

If we want our kids to develop lifelong healthy tech habits, we need to be their guides, not just enforcers. Let’s shift the conversation from "get off your phone" to "how can we use this tech responsibly?" We need to push for better-designed online spaces and provide our kids with the education to make informed choices about their tech use. Of course we all learn better when we share ideas, feedback and brainstorm together when it comes to our kids. Feel free to comment on the IG or LinkedIn posts (or wherever you're reading this)!

Ready to help your kids develop a healthier relationship with technology? 

Check out my online course, based on the same principles I’ve taught in schools, to get started on this journey with your family. Check it out HERE.

Are you a school or an educator? I have more for you.